Remembering Mom

More on a personal note:

First of all I would like to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day. I miss my own mother immensely. She taught me strength in the midst of adversity and showed me that the family was a priority above all other external interests. Her final journey was not easy as she sat with her ailing husband (my dad). She demonstrated courage and a strong outward personality while crumbling within. I told my mom, “I love you” just before they wheeled her into the operating room and she said to me, “thank you”. I felt anguished by those last two words for a long time & to this day I don’t fully understand what she really meant.  My mom always told me her and dad would go together to which I responded, “you can’t control your own death”.

The entire experience is still a blur for me even when I look at the pictures from the funeral. “That’s not my mother in the coffin”, I thought over and over. I’d look at her hands and remember when she would create her special Slovenian apple strudel and yes, those where the hands which stretched the dough across the table. 

I had the task of selecting her clothing and accessories for the showing. I wanted her to wear one of her favourite outfits which are in many pictures from special family get togethers. In the end I chose a gown she saved all these years. A gown she wore on my wedding day. Mom would have kicked my butt if she knew that and yet my own feeling on the selection was she was standing in God’s entourage. 

My dear father had to bury his loving wife prior to his own death a few short months later. I did not have time to grieve my mother’s death in 2010 because I became the primary caregiver to my dad. I had to stay strong for him. 

Two years ago this weekend I took mom and dad out on a short road trip. We had a lovely meal in celebration of Mother’s day. I did not know my mom would die 18 days later. I took it for granted she would be around for a long time. She wasn’t obviously sick or anything she was just more tired because dad was in the hospital earlier that year.  I was in another zone myself mostly at the fact that my father was becoming weaker.

No matter what type of relationship you have with your mom she is still your mom as dad often told me.  This weekend is the perfect opportunity to tell your mom you love her.  As with some of you Readers I will have to go to the cemetery to visit my mom.  :(         

Happy Mother’s Day.

April 15: Happy Birthday to my Father

Dear Dad:

I want to wish you a happy birthday even though you have left this Earthly plane. Can you feel the kisses and hugs I am sending your way? Of course you do. I can feel you embracing me in return telling me everything will be ok and that I must go on as the Matriarch of the family.

I remember the fun times we had on your birthday when mom used to sing to you. Mom used to play the Birthday messages left on the answering machine over and over all day. Many times we were lucky to be together as a family as your birthday fell on Easter weekend.

I know I shouldn’t cry while writing this post but I still feel an enormous hole in my heart because you were such a strong influence in my life. I could always count on you. You never let me down. You always listened to my crazy ideas since I was a teenager.

I am so fortunate to have heard you say that you love me in the last days of your life. You told me that you didn’t say it enough during my life. Thee fact you said it when you did makes up for all the times I knew you felt it but couldn’t say it.

Luv you Dad. Rest in Peace with Mom.

Happy Easter weekend to All

Easter weekend holds a special feeling in my heart. Two years ago my entire family was together for one of my mom & dad’s traditional meals including the home-made apple studel.

mom's famous Slovenian homemade Strudel

So many changes have happened in my life since then with the tragic death of both my parents not too long after that special Easter 2010 family get together. Also my life has been blessed with 2 precious grandchildren, Connor and Katja.

I hope everyone cherishes their time with their family & friends. Expressing your feelings of love to those you care about doesn’t take much effort. Trust me, some day you will be glad you did.

1 year Anniversary

I want to publicly THANK  

Dr. Honjo of Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children

for saving my grandson’s life!

LOVE

 

short pause in blogging

A week ago my 11 week old granddaughter Katja was taken by ambulance to the hospital. She is on her way to a full recovery. I am kept busy watching 15 month old Connor and my spare time is very limited.

Katja celebrating my birthday March 5th……..

24 hours before she was rushed to hospital

Hope to get back to blogging soon. I have lots of decks I want to write about.  Please enjoy the articles in the many categories.

Until then……..

Father’s Day weekend 2011

I remember Father’s Day 2010 shortly after we buried dear mom with such pain and intensity. If your father is alive don’t forget to tell him he is special.

Dear Dad:

I know I didn’t tell you enough times how special you are to me but I always felt it. I think somehow you knew. When you told me you loved me a few weeks before you died and said you didn’t say it enough to me…I knew what you meant.

I had a chance to tell you what you mean to me in the final days of your life even though at that point you could not speak anymore. I know you heard me because you squeezed my hand so tightly when I told you I loved you.  The tears flowed from your bright blue eyes as I held your hand. Your grip was so strong I really believed you would be around longer but you left me a few short hours later.

Thank you dad for giving me the gift of courage, determination, responsibility and perception.

Happy Father’s day.

short update

It’s hard to believe that 3 weeks have gone by already since baby Connor had his open heart surgery. All is well.

Thank You for your Prayers

Update:  I have pretty much put everything on hold during my grandson’s recovery. Also, my daughter is relieved she can apply some pressure to her foot (Jones’ break on Feb 27th) but not without some pain. I was fortunate to have this opportunity to help both of them. Baby Connor has  helped me to heal as well. Losing both my parents within 4 months of each other last year left me in a valley of raw emotions.

Baby Connor has taught me about  the  POWER of LOVE through adversity.

Once I finish my backlog of E-readings & print/bind the final 2 copies of the Learning the Lenormand cards Handbook I will continue blogging. I discovered some different levels of understanding with the Tarot deck which I’d love to share. No matter how many years you have been Reading the Tarot cards remaining open to guidance will show you aspects of the cards you may have not even noticed in previous interpretations.

quick update on my grandson

Thank you for your Prayers. Connor survived the open heart surgery and is now recovering.

Please send recovery HEALING PRAYERS

4 days after surgery

Brave little Boy

 

 

question for the Lo Scarabeo Tarot

Lo Scarabeo Tarot

I really like this deck.  As the time is approaching for my precious little grandson’s surgery on Mon. March 28th I will most likely write the interpretation for this layout at a later date.

Please send Healing Prayers for Connor.

*******

my grandson will be 17 weeks + 4 days old on March 28

PLEASE SEND YOUR PRAYERS

wall of healing energy for Japan

Watching the brutal scenes for the last earthquake in Japan and effects of the tsunami I am reminded of the power of Mother Earth.  I don’t know how many of you saw the movie 2012 but after seeing the aftermath of the devastation in Japan certain scenes in that movie are not that far-fetched from happening.

When I heard the waves would hit Hawaii I thought of the gentleman from Hawaii who recently purchased the Learning the Lenormand Cards handbook. I hoped he was not in any imminent danger.  I thought of my son who lives on the west coast of Canada worried that a wall of water might hit an area close to where he lives.

I sit here asking myself how I can help.  Those of us who cannot offer assistance by being there physically can only offer our Strengthening Energy rooted from our Heart Chakra.  If enough people in this world can send Loving & Healing Energy to those who have survived and to those who have come to aid,  we are helping.

Our fellow human beings who are in this situation need a tsunami of Healing Energy so they can draw on it’s strength.

Take a few minutes to visualize a shield of protective light for this area in our world.

Dear Friends:

Thank You for expressing your  condolences via the comments section.  It means a lot to me to know that although we have not met we do have a connection with a common interest, namely Tarot & Oracle decks.

For the past few days I have been planning to do a post.  I reach for different decks of cards, handle them and place them back on my book shelf or with my collection.  I don’t know if I am doubting my ability to Read or if I just don’t want to know what the future holds.  Maybe I will have to fight demons of pain again.

If you have gone through a death of a parent and you were close then you will understand what I am talking about.  I have lost both my parents within 126 days of each other.  My mom’s death was a sudden shock. With dad, he put up a fierce and courageous fight to live when mom left us.

When I think about how long it took me to come to terms of being widowed from an 8 year relationship I know that healing process will take a long, long time; if ever.  I used the Robin Wood Tarot during that time to help me through my grief. I gained more help from the cards that any person I ever talked to about death.

Knowing that, why am I hesitating using the cards now?

The best medicine is to continue doing things I love.

Things which bring me joy.

Ok I won’t make any huge promises    

but  I will write again….

I have a whole new dimension to share with you.

adjustment time

I should be blogging in the near future despite the sad turn of events lately.

Please continue to read the many posts in the various categories.

I still want to write about the several deck sets which I found in the second-hand bookstore earlier this year.

Please send Healing Energy during this Adjustment Time. Thanks

going with the flow

‎“There are things that we don’t want to happen

but have to accept,

things we don’t want to know but have to learn,

and

people we can’t live without

but have to let go.”

author unknown

…grief…

A short interlude from blogging as I grieve the death of my mother who passed away so suddenly.

I feel a profound sadness which words cannot describe.  To think that I held my dying mother in my arms prior to the arrival of the ambulance. I did not know she was dying as I wiped the sweat from her body and gave her water. Her Chi was so weak, I could not find a strong pulse and I felt a heaviness in my heart as I waited for the paramedics.

From the time I found out she was in serious condition to the time she joined God it was a mere 20 hours.  I held and comforted her before  the life threatening surgery.  My daughter gave her encouraging words that she would be ok. Mom did not wake up from the surgery which was to save her life. What would have she been like had she come to? Would she remember us? Am I selfish to be thinking of this? Would she have suffered? The doctors told us she would have a horrid existence on life support.

Where was God in all of this?  Did he speak through me? Did he convey his message through the surgeons?

I did not know my mother would never come around to say goodbye.  I kissed my mother before she went into surgery and told her I loved her.  I told her she would be ok and that we (my daughter, at the time of the operation) would wait for her.  My father was at another hospital getting treatment. He did not know his wife was in a serious condition facing a monumental surgery.  So, so, bittersweet. He did not have a chance to say goodbye.

And so I am beginning to grieve, now, some 3 weeks later … a grief I have not known.

A short interlude from posting to sort out my emotions …