Remembering Mom

More on a personal note:

First of all I would like to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day. I miss my own mother immensely. She taught me strength in the midst of adversity and showed me that the family was a priority above all other external interests. Her final journey was not easy as she sat with her ailing husband (my dad). She demonstrated courage and a strong outward personality while crumbling within. I told my mom, “I love you” just before they wheeled her into the operating room and she said to me, “thank you”. I felt anguished by those last two words for a long time & to this day I don’t fully understand what she really meant.  My mom always told me her and dad would go together to which I responded, “you can’t control your own death”.

The entire experience is still a blur for me even when I look at the pictures from the funeral. “That’s not my mother in the coffin”, I thought over and over. I’d look at her hands and remember when she would create her special Slovenian apple strudel and yes, those where the hands which stretched the dough across the table. 

I had the task of selecting her clothing and accessories for the showing. I wanted her to wear one of her favourite outfits which are in many pictures from special family get togethers. In the end I chose a gown she saved all these years. A gown she wore on my wedding day. Mom would have kicked my butt if she knew that and yet my own feeling on the selection was she was standing in God’s entourage. 

My dear father had to bury his loving wife prior to his own death a few short months later. I did not have time to grieve my mother’s death in 2010 because I became the primary caregiver to my dad. I had to stay strong for him. 

Two years ago this weekend I took mom and dad out on a short road trip. We had a lovely meal in celebration of Mother’s day. I did not know my mom would die 18 days later. I took it for granted she would be around for a long time. She wasn’t obviously sick or anything she was just more tired because dad was in the hospital earlier that year.  I was in another zone myself mostly at the fact that my father was becoming weaker.

No matter what type of relationship you have with your mom she is still your mom as dad often told me.  This weekend is the perfect opportunity to tell your mom you love her.  As with some of you Readers I will have to go to the cemetery to visit my mom.  :(         

Happy Mother’s Day.

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One thought on “Remembering Mom

  1. Beautifully written dear Seaqueen, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mother in 2002 and it was such a shock to my system that I’m only now able to say that I’ve worked through it all. My mother was my best friend, and her physical absence was a bitter pill to swallow.
    I feel her presence with me often though, and it soothes the heart. It’s not the same, but I’m grateful to know she’s checking in.
    I find that many of her mannerisms (that I never had before!) seem to slip through and come out through me! then my family laughs and says that Joan is with us :)

    much love and hugs to you –
    Spiritsong

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