not about Cards: about my little grandson helping with Bereavement

Rest in Peace Mom

Yesterday, May 27 was the 1 year anniversary of my mom’s death. I could not help but relive the entire emotional experience as if it were in the here & now.

For one year I was not able to sort out my mother’s belongings even though I tried on several occasions. It took mom a long time to come to me in my dreams. I knew her soul was not at peace because of the way she died, not knowing…so unexpected.

In the old traditional European customs a person is to grieve a full year, not dance nor listen to music. The person is to never speak of the dead, good or bad. Also, they must wear a black or dark color against the skin during that time. My doctor told me I was in shock.  You know, the tears come out of nowhere now & the grief hits me out of the blue. This tells me that I am not an empty human container walking around. I am alive and living.

Right after mom died, my dad wore a black undershirt up until he the time of his slow & agonizing process of death 4 months later. Dad was one of these people who practiced the old traditional European way. In fact, I was raised in this manner in other areas of life. No wonder all hell broke loose when I joined the Hippy movement as a form of rebellion against authority. Some of you will remember those years.   :) 

Often, I think about how devastating it was for dad to bury his wife a few short months prior to his own death. The only way I have some sort of peace with that entire scenario is through acceptance. Will I ever get over the death of these 2 people….I doubt it. My parents lived with me the last 6 years of their lives. We got to know each other. Funny thing is, they never changed & neither did I even though I was not a teenager anymore. Since they were a part of my daily life, my loss was monumental.

I had some help yesterday. My precious grandson, Connor, who turned 6 months old on May 25th graced me with his presence. I was able to tell him the story of how his great-grandma passed away and by doing this I got choked up. Of course, Connor didn’t understand what I was speaking about but I know, he felt what I was saying. I could see it in his eyes….a knowing….a familiarity …

My mom & dad knew my daughter was with child but, alas :( had to make space for the next generation of special souls.

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3 thoughts on “not about Cards: about my little grandson helping with Bereavement

  1. I so feel your pain, and understand what you are going through as my Dad passed away last June 27th, so it will be one year for me too very soon. I still have not seen Dad in my dreams and wish he would come to me to tell me he is ok and happy where he is. I think about him everyday and wish I had that time to do somethings differently. I still have mum and now she lives with me as her partner passed away 4 months after my Dad and we are learning one another .

    • Dear Tina: Thank you for sharing your story. It’s hard to move on. People say it gets easier as time goes on but I don’t think one can ever forget a mom or dad who were a constant influence in our lives. Some people aren’t emotionally close to their parents or are separated by distance. I want to share a dream with you I had about my dad several weeks ago. I saw him by the house with the lawnmower. He told me if I don’t cut the grass then he will. When I woke up I knew he was watching me…the grass was cut the next day. :) With my mom, I am not so sure she has settled in the other dimension. It took her a long, long time to show herself in my dreams. I don’t know if it’s because she didn’t know she died as she did not survive the surgery (detailed in other posts). There was no warning. I try to tell her to rest in peace. Take care on the 1st Anniversary of your dad’s death. There will be so many firsts to get through. Father’s day is around the corner and then mom’s birthday. Try putting a picture of your dad under your pillow and before you go to sleep ask him if he is ok. Jozefa Seaqueen

  2. Yes I know what you mean when people say it gets easier as time goes on but as time goes on I still know I will never see my dad or hear his voice again and I think those people that say that have not lost someone close…I will put Dads photo under my pillow tonight and will ask him if he is ok, and tell him to rest in peace.
    I am so gratefull for your email, and wish you lots of love and strenght for the coming times we dread, thank you so much…Tina

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